Forging a Fearless Future

The New Year has arrived, 365 days standing before us like a stack of unused printer paper waiting to see what will be irrevocably printed on each one.  I don’t know why we try to look at the whole year at once instead of realizing that each hour, each day, each week, each month is its own “new time” to make changes, conquer habits, find peace.  In a world full of fear-mongering, it is easy to look at the year as a whole and feel terrified by its enormous unknowns. If allowed, these unknowns can carry us away on waves of uncertainty and abandon us on rocky shoals of anxious fear.  Fear of the future.  Fear of current events.  Fear of things we cannot control.  Binding fear that impairs our faith.

I am deeply acquainted with fear. Dark, horrifying, terrorizing fear.  The kind that holds you captive, suspends your life, wreaks havoc on your emotions, and tumbles you into horrific episodes of intense panic. I know panic attacks.  I have spent many moments—sometimes hours--suspended in time as I waited for normalcy to return.  I have endured times when I was too scared to pray, times I could only cry and times I could do nothing at all.  I live with the knowledge that the fear is always lurking, the panic is only one random thought away. I hate it. It is the bane of my existence.

I am not alone.  The advent of social networking has revealed to me that others suffer the same.  Each of us feels like an island.  Alone. Haunted. Scared.  We want rid of the fear, but it always finds a way to come back.  We feel so much less than normal, like something is wrong with us.  We hate it all—the fear and its bondage, the panic, the anxiety, the frustration, the sneak attacks. Enough already.    

No one asks for a panic attack, or welcomes one when it comes.  Not once have I hoped to live my life in fear.  It is not of my own doing. I work doggedly to keep faith in God. I am not a “backslider” because panic attacks happen to me. Evidently they are my “thorn in the flesh” (think Apostle Paul), because God hasn’t chosen to relieve me of them no matter how much I ask.  I don’t question that. But I don’t want them to control my life, distract me from my true purpose, squander my time, or cause me to quit the fight.  I can’t conquer it alone, so God and I are working together to make a change.

This is not a New Year’s resolution.  No, it’s more permanent than that and may take longer than 12 months. It’s a spiritual and emotional lifestyle change.  Together, God is helping me learn to forge into the unknown, terrifying, uncertain future trusting that the cloud he rides to help me will never break down (Deut. 33:26), that he cares more about me than those sparrows he’s tending (Luke 12:6), and that the power he’s given me to overcome even Satan’s advances holds true no matter what (Luke 10:19).  It’s a huge, scary step, but it’s what I want for 2014. No fear.  Only faith.

If you identify with my battle, I invite you to join my journey. I don’t have all the answers, but God has given me a few things worth remembering as we go… God is ALWAYS God and Satan is ALWAYS stupid. All that fear, terror, desperation, and confusion doesn’t come from God.  It can’t.  The Bible says so in I Corinthians 14:33 “…God is not the author of confusion, but the author of peace.” Remember that when Jesus said, “Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest,” (Matthew 11:28) he meant everyone that was carrying a burden bigger than themselves—I certainly qualify.  Most of all, remember that when he said, “I will never leave you or forsake you,” (Hebrews 13:5) he meant it.  He’s not leaving unless you tell him to and even then, you’ll have to be the one to walk away.  If you are having a panic attack that feels like the bottom of the world fell out from under you, Jesus is right there with you and if you can calm down long enough to notice, you’ll find he’s holding you in his arms.  That’s how much he loves you. And NOTHING can separate us from that love. (Romans 8:38-39)

So cheers, my friends, to banding together with God and forging a fearless future. No matter how bleak the outlook, how terrorizing the fear, how immobilizing the panic, may we remember that “…with God nothing shall be impossible.” (Luke 1:37) and “…there’s more with us than be with them.” (II Chronicles 32:7-8)  May we keep our hand in his, take one day at a time, and find ourselves overcoming through Christ’s strength.(Philippians 4:13) Be courageous.  Be fearless.  Be faithful.  Be blessed.

Happy New Year!

The Joy of Being Chosen

Sometimes I miss things when I am reading my Bible.  I can’t absorb it all in one shot.  It’s an inherent human trait.  We overload, and only a few of the things we deem most important actually stick in our minds.  I think it’s that way with the story of Christ’s birth.  We read Luke 2 and think the story starts and stops there. We remember the virgin mother, the lack of vacancy, the stable, the manger, the star, the angels, and the shepherds. What we miss is the fantastic example of joyous faith shown by Mary in Luke 1.

            In a surreal experience, Mary converses with the angel Gabriel who tells her that she is favored by God and chosen to be the mother of the Christ child.  Her child will “save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21).  It’s an amazing honor.  It’s a terrifying thought. She’s unmarried.  A pregnancy will make her a social outcast.  Yet, after what appears to be a very small amount of persuasive speaking by Gabriel, Mary says, “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.” (Luke 1:38 KJV)  And just like that, she throws her fears, her concerns, her hesitations on the Father and steps out into the great safety net of God.

            What fearless faith.  What selfless sacrifice.  What intense bravery.  She had no idea whether or not Joseph would marry her.  She couldn’t possibly comprehend what parenting the Christ child would entail.  There were no indications of how this would all play out.  She had only this assurance—God loved her, had found favor in her, had asked her to house his Son, and she had agreed. 

            This is where Mary and I meet up.  My life is full of uncertainty.  Sometimes I am overcome by fears, concerns, and problems. I am often overwhelmed.  I don’t have all the answers.  I have no idea how it’s all going to play out.  But I do know this—God loves me, he has found favor in me, he has asked me to carry his Son in my heart and exhibit him in my life, and I have agreed.  And in spite of all the things that attempt to chase me down and overcome my faith, I pray that I will step out into that same great safety net with Mary.  I pray that in the middle of the questions I will respond with her when she said, “…My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.” (Luke 1:46-47 KJV)  God has chosen to dwell in me and that alone is cause for celebration. 

            It’s not just Mary and I who are so infinitely blessed to be chosen by God as his dwelling place.  Much like the story of his birth, he knocks on the door of every heart to inquire if there is a vacancy.  He knocks and offers to fill the void in our lives.  Upon admittance, he becomes the greatest friend, the wisest confidant, the strongest safe house.  Under our lives he places the great safety net of his grace and even if the storms rage, we know that he is greater than all and no one has the power to pluck us out of his hand. (John 10:29)

            So this Christmas, remember these facts—God loves you, he favors you, he wants you to allow him to dwell in your heart and exhibit him in your life.  It’s a more than fair trade, so I hope you accept.  I hope that you will fearlessly step out in faith to allow God to lead your life.  And when the circumstances are less than desirable, the outcome looks incredibly bleak, the storm seems impossible to calm, may you remember that, “…with God nothing shall be impossible” (Luke 1:37 KJV) and may you find yourself still faithfully stating with Mary, “My soul doth magnify the Lord…” (Luke 1:46)

The great God of the universe has chosen you.  This alone is cause for great celebration!

Merry Christmas!

I Wonder...

           Although Halloween is safely behind us for another year, I find myself still intrigued by the amount of coverage this event accrued on my social network news feed.  It happens every year. There are lengthy diatribes on why folks do not participate and lists of comments from individuals either assenting or dissenting.  The participants and non-participants lob pithy, condescending remarks at one another in an effort to prove their point.  No one earns a concession.  And I'm more than happy to leave that decision between you and God.   The barrage of coverage does, however, cause a lot of wondering on my part.

            Personally, I have no strong feeling one way or another concerning Halloween.  I think it is a silly, commercialized event that sparks a lot of conflict, but serves no real purpose on the calendar.  Any day can be deemed Christian or pagan, followers of any belief system can and do perform rituals or hold services whenever they want, children like to play dress up all through the year, and I find that I actually buy more individually wrapped candies throughout the year than I buy on Halloween.  Thus, I wonder why Halloween gets so much attention when holidays with much more value are coming up and will receive less or less appropriate coverage. 

            Thanksgiving is currently less than a month away.  Many are already planning their feasts, football games, and family time.  My news feed will then be full of photos depicting families, tables overflowing with food, and complaints of having eaten too much.  Some will express their gratitude for God, possessions, and family.  Then they will go on about their food, fun, and fellowship without a thought that there are two parts to the word “Thanksgiving”…thanks and giving.  I wonder if I’ll see any diatribes on giving to the needy during the month of November.  I wonder if, after reading Psalm 100, anyone will read I John 3:17 where it says that the love of God is not in that person who has this world’s goods yet turns a blind eye to someone in need.  I wonder.

            Christmas is less than two months away.  In truth, there is not a worse holiday for commercialism and material gluttony. Those who eschew Halloween often make up for it at Christmas.  Beautifully decorated Christmas trees are hidden by mounds of brightly wrapped packages loudly demonstrating extravagant excess.  I wonder if, when Luke 2 has been read (if it is at all) and the children are ready to dive into the gifts, someone will pause to remind them of the words of Jesus saying, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35 KJV)  I wonder.

            Lest you think that I am hypocritically throwing around opinions, blame or self appreciation, let me clear things up.  I know what it is to truly need. I have experienced the anxiety that comes with legitimately wondering if there will be enough money to get through the month.  I have had to rely on the charity of others.  God has never failed me.  He has always provided.  In return, we give back.  Every year at this time, we do a family project where we buy and donate food to a charity or food bank, or buy items to make blessing bags for the homeless. We donate to food drives as often as possible and this year we donated jackets to my daughter’s school for children who didn’t have them.  Sometimes it isn’t financially convenient to make these donations.  We do it anyway.  And God keeps providing.

            I said all that, not to toot my own horn, but to say this…Don’t let Halloween be the most discussed holiday this year.  Don’t forget the “giving” part of Thanksgiving.  Don’t make people go hungry because you had to have a pile of “wants” under your Christmas tree.  If you have never experienced need, learn the difference between “want” and “need”.  Remember, that somewhere in your town, children are not eating turkey on Thanksgiving or opening piles of presents on Christmas.  As you pose for your Christmas photo, remember that there is a little girl a few blocks over that doesn’t have a Christmas dress, but is wearing too big jeans and a ratty shirt.  Acknowledge in your heart that a little boy somewhere is playing with sticks because he doesn’t have real toys.  These aren’t scenes from the past.  They are real.  They are true.  They are happening near you. I wonder if you've noticed.

            I wonder if you realize that you can help.  If every Christian would donate a couple bags of food, a turkey, a coat, a dress, a pair of shoes, a toy, or a book, we could alleviate some of the need.  If every Christian would follow I John 3:8 and “…not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth,” (KJV) Thanksgiving and Christmas would be the most talked about holidays of the year.  If every Christian would only remember that to whom much is given, much will most assuredly be required…(Luke 12:48)…I wonder what would happen.

Becoming Mary

 

An astonishing realization hit me this morning.  I am a Martha.  You know her.  Lazarus’ and Mary’s sister.  Unlike Mary, she was too busy to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen. (Luke 10:38-42) I don’t think it was that she didn’t want to listen. She just wanted to listen as she went about her zillion tasks.  She was so busy making sure everything was done according to her schedule that she was missing out on an important opportunity. She was missing out on simply sitting with Jesus, enjoying his presence, listening to his lessons, and drawing strength for the many tasks of the day.

Yep, I’m a Martha!  I often plan the future day (sometimes days) before the current one is expired.  I set goals and schedules and work crazily to get them accomplished.  I am frequently frustrated when things don’t go as planned and goals get off schedule. I feel less than useful when some tasks go undone or have to be pushed off to the next day…or week…or month…or get forgotten all together. The problem with my frenetic pace is that I do a lot of praying on the run, while baking bread, folding laundry, or driving to the grocery store.  I leave myself a very narrow window of time for private personal prayer, Bible reading, and reflection. 

Please do not misunderstand.  Prayer is prayer, no matter where or when you do it.  The Bible says, “Pray without ceasing.” (I Thessalonians 5:17) So, praying while doing your tasks is a great idea.  Likewise, any time you read your Bible, even just one verse, God has the opportunity to impress His words in your heart and teach you something.  So, even if you only have three minutes, be sure to read that one verse.  The point is this, when we hurry and cut short our personal time with God, we miss out on an amazing opportunity—enjoying God’s presence, listening to his lessons, drawing strength for our day.  Jesus summed it up like this, “…Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful…” (Luke 10:41-42 KJV) We desperately need his presence in our lives, his lessons guiding us, and his strength to endure life’s obstacles.  Time with Jesus is what is needful.

So today I am learning to become a Mary.  God asked me what was more important, the tasks or him…I chose him.  The laundry waited, the cleaning waited, the baking waited.  And I had the most phenomenal devotions because I waited before God for his presence to descend.  And it did.  I read things in the book of James that inspired me and bolstered my faith.  The Devil is pretty busy right now trying to disrupt all this, but I’ll just keep obeying James 4:7 and resist him because today I know these things with startling clarity: God loves me more than I can fathom and I love him back more than anything else.  Jesus is not just a guest in my home or life, but a permanent resident who goes with me throughout my day.  When I am weak, discouraged, or forgot that whole “Resist the Devil” concept, God’s got my back.  I am completely, wholeheartedly, unwaveringly God’s child.  Yes, today, I am a Mary.

I hope you didn’t see yourself as you read this.  I hope you are much better at managing your time and schedule than I am.  I hope you are already a Mary.  However, if you identify with Martha and me, there’s no time like the present.  Pull up a chair at his feet, or just crawl up in his lap and drink in the presence of Jesus.  Be blessed by his Spirit.  Learn or relearn a helpful lesson.  Soak in the strength he offers. And always, always remember that one thing is needful to keep your life on track…spending time with Jesus.

God’s Got This!

 

A few weeks ago, on Sunday morning, our pastor read II Chronicles 20.  God bless that man!  I hadn’t read Chronicles in quite some time, but as we read through the chapter the words of Jehoshaphat’s prayer in a time of unexpected trouble leapt off the page and indelibly inscribed themselves in the depths of my soul.  I know them.  I identify with them.  I could have penned them myself.  I pray them nearly every day.  He cried, “…neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee.” (v. 12 KJV)

I am often clueless.  My children come to me with questions I can’t answer, problems I can’t immediately fix, fears I can’t easily assuage.  My mailbox spits out unexpected bills, my taxes come out five percent higher than I figured, and my doctor decides to run extra tests.  My friends and family need support that I may or may not be in a position to give. I am surrounded by things I can’t fix, change, or regulate.  My heart breaks. My worry queue grows.  I feel like I am losing the battle AND the war. 

And then I remember II Chronicles 20:12.  It is quickly becoming my lifeline.  I pray these words and the voices around me fade.  I find peace.  I trust God to take care of all these things.  I have proof that he will…ask Jehoshaphat and the Israelites. They weren’t facing a skirmish. They were facing a war. Not just one army steadily marched toward them, but several (v.1-2). They felt inadequate, ill-prepared.  They were clueless.  So they turned their eyes on God and discovered that the battle they were expecting wasn’t theirs to win or lose, but God’s (v.15).  All they had to do was keep their eyes on Him... And trust...And rest. They didn’t even have to fight. God had it all under control.

Chances are you identify with what’s written here.  Your soul is battered, your heart is scarred, your body exhausted with the constant barrage of things demanding your attention, your money, your time, your soul.  The truth is, you can’t fix everything.  You can’t help everyone.  You can’t make everything better.  You’ll lose yourself and your faith if you try.  I encourage you to turn to Jesus, let the voices around you fade, fasten your spiritual gaze unwaveringly on him, and genuinely pray, “I’m clueless on this, but my eyes are on you.” It doesn’t guarantee you’ll get your way.  It doesn’t assure you an instant miracle.  It doesn’t promise that you’ll understand the outcome. But it does mean you aren’t alone.  It means the resources aren’t tapped.  It means you can know peace-- peace springing from the knowledge that your faith resides with the God who refuses to let his people down.

I find courage in the fact that I am not the only one who is clueless.  I take refuge in the fact that turning my eyes on Jesus snaps my world into focus.  I find peace in the knowledge that I don’t have to know all the answers or outcomes because when I am clueless, confused, concerned, or cornered—God’s got this!  So, may we, like those who have gone before us, continually look “…unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;” (Hebrews 12:2 KJV) May we remember that our faith is not misplaced.  Our peace is not ill-gotten. Our circumstances are not a surprise to God and he already has the answer.  May we learn to stand still, eyes trained on Jesus, allow him to fight our battles, and triumphantly embrace the fact-- God’s got this! 

Identity Crisis

As my children prepare to begin a new school year, I’ve been contemplating the expectations placed on school aged children.  Why do we expect the things we do?  Are our expectations realistic?  Mostly, are our expectations based on what is truly most important in life? I came to the realization that if my children retain nothing while in class, there is one thing I want them to know and know wholly before they leave my nest.  I want them to know who they are in God.  Not the person others perceive them to be, but who they truly are—children of God, beloved by God just the way he made them.

Scarily, my voice is not the only one they’ll hear.  At a young age society begins pounding on us, trying to force us to believe that who we are adds up to a diploma with honors, an Ivy League alma mater, a pile of designer clothes, a staggering bank account, a flashy car, a corner office, a magnificent mansion.  The whirlwind of society pushes our children to overwhelm themselves with myriad extra-curricular activities stacked on top of piles of homework all in a vain effort to define themselves as worthwhile and necessary.

 And it’s not just inside the public school system.  In every church (yes, even there), every school (public or private), every neighborhood (gated community or ghetto), the voices beckon.  The standards are set.  The “in” crowd is assembling.  The pressure is building.  And children are falling prey to the concept that simply identifying as a beloved child of God is not enough.

As adults we know the pressure doesn’t end with high school graduation, presentation of a college degree, or promotion to the corner office.  It only increases.  Enough already!  A degree is just a degree.  A job is just a job. Possessions are just things.  They offer nothing. No peace of mind.  No security.  No eternal reward.  When viewed as identifiers, they will lead one on an unhappy chase constantly seeking but never attaining that which will fill the void of undiscovered identity.  In light of this, each one must seek to know, understand, and fully believe what has been true since the dawn of time.

You are a child of God, painstakingly handmade in His image.  (Genesis 1:26-27) You were carefully crafted with your own personal set of idiosyncrasies, fortes and frustrations.  And that’s okay. God made no mistakes.  You are unique.  You are an amazing work of art by the Master Craftsman.  In God, you are complete. You are beautiful.  You are purposeful.  You are loved beyond measure.  You are treasured.  You are cherished.  You are beloved of God. God is your past, your present, your future…your roots, your branches, your fruit.  This, this is who you truly are—a handcrafted masterpiece created by the all powerful God who simply spoke and the world was.  You are a child of God. 

I am overwhelmed to think it.  It glitters more than those things I’m supposed to need to enhance my identity.  I’m humbled to think that God—as busy as he must be with all the garbage going on in the world—took the time to craft me so carefully.  I’m amazed and emotionally overcome every time I realize that I am beloved, cherished, treasured, and unconditionally loved by God.  In him I am fulfilled.  I need nothing more.  In God, I find my identity.

With that in mind, I pray that when my children finish high school (with honors or a GED), go to college (Ivy League, community, or trade school), and become working citizens (corner office or basement cubicle) that they will never place their perception of their worth on anything less or anything more than their true identity as God’s child.  For myself, I pray that I don’t get lost in a feeling of unimportant inadequacy and forget my identity.  For you, I pray that you see yourself in these words. That you don’t allow what you do for a living, have in the bank, or wear on your back to usurp your true identity. I pray that you will curl deep in your soul and find peace, contentment, happiness and hope in only one fact—you are a beloved, cherished, treasured child of God. Identify with that. 

Fat Souls

Have you ever found yourself begging God for something and not being certain you care whether or not it is his will?  I have.  In fact, I have recent experience.  Last month I found myself desperately begging God to give my family something I thought would be wonderful.  As I begged, it became harder and harder to ask that his will be done instead of wheedling my way to a “yes” response. Suddenly, in the midst of my struggling prayer, the words of Psalms 106:15 (KJV) came to me.  Referencing the Children of Israel on their journey through the desert after leaving Egypt, it reads, “And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” And I stopped short.

Perhaps you remember the story in Numbers 11 where the Israelites, tired of living on manna, began to reminisce about the fish, melons, cucumbers, leeks, onions, and garlic of Egypt. (v. 5) They wept, railed, squalled and begged until God finally gave in and sent them quail…lots of quail…enough for a month of eating only that. (v.18-20, 31-32) It came at a price, for along with the quail came a great plague. (v.33) When they left that place, they left behind the burial place of those who had lusted after the things of Egypt to the point of pressing God to give them their way no matter the cost.  (v.34)

For me, the resemblance was too close. I saw myself treading that same path with but one difference--I desire nothing more than a fat soul.   I have no time for leanness brought on by selfish whims and earthly wishes. The flashy cars, electronic gadgets, huge homes, splashy parties, and exotic vacations of our world are not wrong, but can make our souls lean if they become our driving force. Earthly possessions, fame, and fortune can absolutely become our Egypt.  And an urgent, single-minded search for them will undisputedly bring leanness to our souls. 

I want no part of that leanness. I fear it.  My prayer has changed from begging God to match his will to mine and instead begging that he make my soul fat.  It isn’t always an easy decision.  It’s a choice I make daily. The truth is, I don’t need a bunch of earthly things to be happy or even content, but I refuse to live with a lean soul.  You see, all those fantastic things that make life easier, more fun, or appear to give us social status are grand, but they are unarguably not worth the peace of God. Sometimes, when I start to think maybe a lean soul wouldn’t be so bad if I had what I wanted, I consider what my soul would lose along with the fatness—peace, faith, satisfaction, friendship with Jesus.  Not worth it.  Nothing is.     

 I hope you feel the same way.  I hope that you urgently desire a fat soul.  In a world that is full of lights and bells and whistles all calling our name in a cacophony of alleged delight, may we recognize the danger of leanness, throw our fat souls at the foot of the cross and cry, “Just give me Jesus.”