Fat Souls

Have you ever found yourself begging God for something and not being certain you care whether or not it is his will?  I have.  In fact, I have recent experience.  Last month I found myself desperately begging God to give my family something I thought would be wonderful.  As I begged, it became harder and harder to ask that his will be done instead of wheedling my way to a “yes” response. Suddenly, in the midst of my struggling prayer, the words of Psalms 106:15 (KJV) came to me.  Referencing the Children of Israel on their journey through the desert after leaving Egypt, it reads, “And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” And I stopped short.

Perhaps you remember the story in Numbers 11 where the Israelites, tired of living on manna, began to reminisce about the fish, melons, cucumbers, leeks, onions, and garlic of Egypt. (v. 5) They wept, railed, squalled and begged until God finally gave in and sent them quail…lots of quail…enough for a month of eating only that. (v.18-20, 31-32) It came at a price, for along with the quail came a great plague. (v.33) When they left that place, they left behind the burial place of those who had lusted after the things of Egypt to the point of pressing God to give them their way no matter the cost.  (v.34)

For me, the resemblance was too close. I saw myself treading that same path with but one difference--I desire nothing more than a fat soul.   I have no time for leanness brought on by selfish whims and earthly wishes. The flashy cars, electronic gadgets, huge homes, splashy parties, and exotic vacations of our world are not wrong, but can make our souls lean if they become our driving force. Earthly possessions, fame, and fortune can absolutely become our Egypt.  And an urgent, single-minded search for them will undisputedly bring leanness to our souls. 

I want no part of that leanness. I fear it.  My prayer has changed from begging God to match his will to mine and instead begging that he make my soul fat.  It isn’t always an easy decision.  It’s a choice I make daily. The truth is, I don’t need a bunch of earthly things to be happy or even content, but I refuse to live with a lean soul.  You see, all those fantastic things that make life easier, more fun, or appear to give us social status are grand, but they are unarguably not worth the peace of God. Sometimes, when I start to think maybe a lean soul wouldn’t be so bad if I had what I wanted, I consider what my soul would lose along with the fatness—peace, faith, satisfaction, friendship with Jesus.  Not worth it.  Nothing is.     

 I hope you feel the same way.  I hope that you urgently desire a fat soul.  In a world that is full of lights and bells and whistles all calling our name in a cacophony of alleged delight, may we recognize the danger of leanness, throw our fat souls at the foot of the cross and cry, “Just give me Jesus.”