Have
you ever found yourself begging God for something and not being certain you
care whether or not it is his will? I
have. In fact, I have recent
experience. Last month I found myself
desperately begging God to give my family something I thought would be
wonderful. As I begged, it became harder
and harder to ask that his will be done instead of wheedling my way to a “yes”
response. Suddenly, in the midst of my struggling prayer, the words of Psalms
106:15 (KJV) came to me. Referencing the
Children of Israel on their journey through the desert after leaving Egypt, it
reads, “And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul.” And I stopped short.
Perhaps
you remember the story in Numbers 11 where the Israelites, tired of living on
manna, began to reminisce about the fish, melons, cucumbers, leeks, onions, and
garlic of Egypt. (v. 5) They wept, railed, squalled and begged until God
finally gave in and sent them quail…lots of quail…enough for a month of eating
only that. (v.18-20, 31-32) It came at a price, for along with the quail came a
great plague. (v.33) When they left that place, they left behind the burial
place of those who had lusted after the things of Egypt to the point of
pressing God to give them their way no matter the cost. (v.34)
For me, the resemblance was too close. I saw myself treading that same path with but one difference--I desire nothing more than a fat
soul. I have no time for leanness brought on by
selfish whims and earthly wishes. The flashy cars, electronic gadgets, huge
homes, splashy parties, and exotic vacations of our world are not wrong, but
can make our souls lean if they become our driving force. Earthly possessions, fame, and fortune can absolutely become our
Egypt. And an urgent, single-minded search
for them will undisputedly bring leanness to our souls.
I
want no part of that leanness. I fear it. My prayer has changed from begging God to match his will to mine and instead begging that he make my soul fat. It isn’t always an easy decision. It’s a choice I make daily. The
truth is, I don’t need a bunch of earthly things to be happy or even content,
but I refuse to live with a lean soul. You see, all those fantastic things that
make life easier, more fun, or appear to give us social status are grand, but they are unarguably not worth the
peace of God. Sometimes, when I start to think maybe a lean soul wouldn’t be so bad if I had what I wanted, I consider what my soul would lose along with the fatness—peace, faith, satisfaction, friendship with Jesus. Not worth it. Nothing is.
I hope you feel the same way. I hope that you urgently desire a fat
soul. In a world that is full of lights
and bells and whistles all calling our name in a cacophony of alleged delight,
may we recognize the danger of leanness, throw our fat souls at the foot of the
cross and cry, “Just give me Jesus.”
