Trial of Faith

Why don’t we have faith in the epic power of God?  We believe the concept, but not the principle.  We ask in prayer for things, sometimes huge things, but our faith is often stymied by our disbelief in the power of God.  I don’t think it is that we think He can’t do something so much as we are afraid he won’t.  So we have taken up a course of “wait and see” praying.  It’s like we are testing God to see if he will stand up to his reputation. 

The idea is ridiculous, but not less true because of its ridiculousness. However, if you are among those administering the test, let me save you some time.  I can tell you that God does live up to his reputation because I have been at the point where my faith, such as it was, was all I had. Human resources were exhausted. There was nothing but me, my faith, and my God. When faith in God was all I had, I found out it was all I needed. As a result, I have personally experienced the epic power of God.  

When my husband retired from the military and began searching for a job, I learned the biggest lessons in faith I had ever learned.  Mostly, I learned that the faith we claim when things are simple is exquisitely insufficient when times are tough.  It is one thing to sing, “Faith is the victory” and quite another to fight for enough strength to invest in keeping the faith and hoping for a victory.  But as the days passed and the interviews ended without an offer, the strength ebbed and courage waned.  My faith did the same. 

            I spent nearly five months of that year fighting soul wrenching battles.  The ups and downs of life were nearly unbearable.  There were monumental mountaintops where I would calmly state, “God is going to take care of us.”  And I knew with surety he would.  He had promised.  Inevitably, those mountaintops were separated by unimaginably deep, dark valleys.

There were devastating downhill slides when my mind was bombarded with terrifying scenarios of our future. Of course, I had specific ideas of how God could rectify each scenario.  The answer to this was the soft whisper of I Samuel 12:16, “Now stand back and see this great thing, which the Lord will do before your eyes.” Relax. Stop the frenzy. Just hang out and watch the amazing thing God is going to do.

On the heels of those slides I would traverse dark, treacherous valleys of panic that said God was laughing at me, refusing to do something about my desperate need. I lashed out at myself, disgusted that I was such a horrible, unlovable person that God would leave us like this. I had tried so hard to please him, to have faith. I wondered what I had done wrong for Him to ignore me and not immediately heal my pressing need. Ultimately, I would lash out at God. He could do something if he wanted to, but I saw no great lightning bolts, heard no thunderous voice, saw no miraculous answers.  It seemed he wasn’t answering, and if that was true, what did that say about his character?

Those valleys were undoubtedly the most difficult. It was there I realized the slight stature of my faith.  It was devastating. I realized I was trying to manipulate God into fixing my problem with the answer I thought was best.  There is no faith in that.  Faith is trusting that the one who knows me better than I know myself, who loves my family more than I do, who can see the future and what lies therein is going to take care of us.  The valley taught me that the author of Hebrews knew what he was talking about. Faith really is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of unseen things.

The answer to my question of God’s character was revealed in his response to my pulsating wails.  He understood me enough to know that my juvenile faith required gentle care and showed me the words of Deuteronomy 33:27, “The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms…”  And there my faith found a refuge from the hideous, taunting voices that echoed through those valleys.  God’s arms would always be there. He would always take care of us.  And we came out of the darkness of the valley –together. 

Chances are you are floundering in your own terrifying valley right now.  Or you have in the past.  You feel helpless.  Your endurance is gone.  You’ve been praying and watching for your miracle only to be stuck with episode after episode of unfortunate circumstances.  Your faith wanes, you are emotionally destitute and physically worn.  You want to throw your hands up in defeat, but something urges you not to be hasty.  Faith says the answer is still coming.

And it is.  It may take longer than we like.  Questions may be more prolific than answers. We may be more scared than we have ever been in our lives. But when things are spiraling out of control and it seems we could do a better job on our own, it takes an act of faith to sit back and simply trust that the God who rides the Heavens to help his people (Deut. 33:26)  has our best interest in mind . (Jeremiah 29:11)

In the end, faith pays off.  Steadfastness is rewarded.  Blessings do come. We end up stronger individuals because of the journey. Eventually, God led my family out into the place he wanted us to be.  The timing of every piece of the puzzle was too perfect to even imagine anyone but God orchestrated it.  I’m stronger for the trying of my faith. I look around and know that I am further down the road for keeping the faith than I would have been had I caved to the pressure of Satan. 

             You will be too. Don’t let the darkness of the valley fool you. Don’t let the taunting voices throw you off track.  Don’t let your faith nosedive because the answer wasn’t what you wanted or didn’t come as quickly as you hoped.  Hold on to your faith.  Trust God to move your mountain. Watch the epic power of God work on your behalf. When you feel that your mustard seed faith is all you have, you will find it is all you need.