The Proverbial Woman

I seem to make friends at the grocery store, usually in the age 70-90 range.  Often they are drawn in by the blue-eyed sprite in my grocery cart, but sometimes it is because I stop to help them reach something or prevent a refrigerator door from eating them as they get their milk.  I realized one day that I love them, those people that the rest of the world seems to have forgotten.  Then I realized something else—I inherited that cherishing of experienced humanity from my mother. 

Society has a horrible way of judging people loveable based on their age, looks, and abilities.  The elderly or challenged need not apply. It’s despicable.  It’s also ignorant.  Wisdom really does come with age, and I’ve met challenged individuals with better dispositions and more freely extended love than many of the alleged perfect folks.  Society is missing out, but not my mother.  I’m pretty sure she hasn’t met an older person she doesn’t love.  I’ve seen her show patience, kindness, and care to the challenged all my life.  When I found myself being like my mother in this most wonderful way, I stopped short and asked myself, “Thirty years from now, what trait will my children exhibit and realize they learned it from me?”

What a sobering thought. What a terrifying one.  I am not a perfect parent.  Some days I wonder how I made the cut. I feel like I’m running full speed through a dark maze sans guide or map.  I feel an enormous amount of fear that society will imprint my children’s minds more than I will.  I can’t let that happen. So I turned to the book of Proverbs for some advice.   What I found there was an interesting urging toward leading by example.  No passionate speeches, only powerful living.

In Proverbs 31, after posing the question, “Who can find a virtuous woman?” the attributes of said woman are outlined as such:

v  Her husband finds her trustworthy and she treats him well (v. 11-12).  This is not to be taken lightly.  Your relationship with your spouse is integral to creating a stable family environment. I’ve seen some women treat their husbands despicably and disrespectfully.  And the children take their cue from her—not just on how to treat a spouse, but on how to treat other individuals.  If you do it at home, your children will emulate it elsewhere.  Watch your step.

 

v  She works willingly, sacrificing even sleep so that her family can eat. Because of her industriousness, she does not worry when things don’t go as planned. She has already made provision for her family (v. 13-15, 21-22, 27).  Be industrious. Taking care of a family is serious business.  When I was 15 and thought I wanted 6 kids, I had no idea what that would entail!  Thank goodness I only had 3!!  Plan ahead.  You will save a lot of needless anxiety.  You don’t have to be a hoarder or stockpile a year’s worth of goods.  Just be a Boy Scout—be prepared.

 

v  She comprehends and practices intelligent money management and uses her investments wisely to increase her gains and provide for her family (v.16-19).  I’m not an investor.  I don’t have the head for it.  But I can stretch a dollar until it screams.  I think we all understand proper money management; we just don’t all practice it.  However, if you practice proper money management, you will find that performing the previous requirement of being prepared is a lot easier!

 

v  She helps the poor and needy (v. 20). James 1:27 tells us that one way to show pure religion is by visiting the fatherless and widows in their affliction. It doesn’t say to mail a check to charity.  It says to meet them where they are.  It says to get down in the trenches with them.  There’s no shortage of needy in our world.  Find your place to help and do it.  Remember that there, but for the grace of God, go you.

 

v  Because her character is without reproach, her husband receives greater respect among his peers (v. 23) I had to do a little research on this verse to make sure I was keeping in context.  It appears I was. The idea is that by doing her duties, being prosperous, trustworthy, respectful, and kind, the woman creates an even greater respectability for her husband among his peers.  Notice that it says nothing about her flawless beauty, delightful conversational skills, or charming wit.  True respect is gained by true character. 

 

v    Finally, she speaks in wisdom and kindness (v. 26). It’s so easy to just talk and let the chips fall where they may.  Guarding your tongue is much more difficult than it sounds.  Failure to do so can result in a tarnished reputation, damaged relationships, and even isolation. James 3:6 tells us that the tongue can defile the whole body, and James 1:19 instructs us to be quick to listen but slow to speak. So measure your words and allow wisdom and kindness to guide them. 

So there you have it--a guide to being the Proverbial virtuous woman.  Contrary to society’s opinion, this woman who builds the next generation is not necessarily beautiful, wealthy, or influential.  No, she is family oriented; using all of her efforts to ensure her family is well cared for.  She is an example of true Christianity in kindness and conversation.  She understands the fear of the Lord and exhibits it by living a Godly life.  In return, the Lord blesses her family.  Her children learn how to conduct themselves in a proper manner, how to be productive, how to treat others. Her sons learn what to look for in a wife and her daughters learn what to be as a wife.  As they mature, they realize how blessed they are to have her influence in their lives.

Who knew our actions, not our words, are the most important part of raising children?  It’s not a bunch of endless chatter and harping that forms their ideals, it’s simply how we act and react.  What we do today imprints the minds of our children and determines the values, morals and ethics by which they will live their lives. Properly imprinting the minds of our children is as simple as embodying the Proverbial woman. 

But don’t let your guard down; it’s not easy being an old-fashioned woman in a new-fashioned age.  Some days I’m not sure I’m up to the challenge.  But I am diligently striving to be a Proverbial woman.  I am working to imprint my children with love, kindness, responsibility and morality.  I pray that 30 years from now they will find themselves loving the unlovable, speaking words of kindness to a frazzled soul, helping someone less fortunate, or simply keeping to the high road and they will look back, as I do now, and say, “I learned this from my mother.”